did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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