My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
