I skipped work to stalk him.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
