what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sext me about skeletons
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize