The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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