Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
