i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
