I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
