I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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