there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
