I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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