16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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