i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
