He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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