bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
