I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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