Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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