You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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