Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
