It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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