so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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