Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
