I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
