Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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