put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
