I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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