I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
