Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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