this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
