at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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