I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
nutella sex= disaster
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
