Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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