dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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