yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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