dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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