I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just pee around me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
