have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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