After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
