During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
