Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
