You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
