why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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