Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
