so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
