just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
