Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
