Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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