I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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