I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
