Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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