Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
