We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
