Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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