I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize