i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
