we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize