Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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