No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
