your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
