Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
