I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
