He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
