just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
