I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
