Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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