New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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