Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
