So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
