i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
