Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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