I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
