Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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