There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
