we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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