Need sex. Gaining weight.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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