I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
