Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
