I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
