Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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