Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
