finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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