Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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