my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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