i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
