i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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