Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
